Freeing Yourself From Guilt After Conflict: Releasing Guilt, Recognizing Ourselves, Setting Boundaries
- The Softest Heart
- Jan 3
- 2 min read
Do you ever notice when you're having conflict with someone else, you a see a piece of yourself in their shadow tendencies?
Whenever I found myself in an argument, I would always see pieces myself in the other person.
Because of this insight, when I saw someone struggling with insecurity or dealing with complex family dynamics - I found myself hesitating before offering criticism. I chose compassion over confrontation when I could see things from a higher perspective.
I've felt the pain of being unable to manage my own darkness without an outlet, and knew what it felt like to be at your breaking point.
Having been through similar struggles, learning from challenges taught me most instances of conflict were either due to an inability to regulate my emotions, or had nothing to do with me.
This realization opened my eyes as I began to understand certain aspects of my life were privileged. Growing up too fast, but learning to see things from a higher perspective was a privilege.
Having the time to exit survival mode and have resources to support my mental health was a luxury. And while we all have some form of privilege, privilege when it comes to healing deep emotional wounds isn't available to everyone even though it should a necessity.
So whenever I could see a higher perspective, I preferred to take a gentler route with most people. I understood first-hand what could happen when someone didn't have the resources to control their shadow tendencies.
But this process created an internal war. The anger I felt was real, but so was the guilt. Each act of self-forgiveness taught me to look at these shared shadows with not just sympathy, but deep, compassionate understanding.
How was I to distance myself from someone who was a mirrored of the darkness I had to overcome?
It wasn't until I had an epiphany: distancing myself from these mirrored struggles wasn't an act of self-betrayal. It was growth, a necessary step to shield the new, healed aspects of me while offering the level of support which felt safe to others who were on a similar journey. Let us learn to release the guilt we clutch so tightly, and instead, extend these open hands to build strong boundaries around areas we've healed, and towards others to pull them up, when it's safe for us to provide support as they're healing.
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