Integrating the Shadow Self - It's a Lifelong Journey
- The Softest Heart
- Aug 18, 2024
- 2 min read
Updated: Jan 5
If you’ve been working on integrating your shadow self, you may notice as you evolve, that you find yourself perplexed you’re still having negative feelings. Mentally, you’ve processed the circumstances which created these tendencies in hardship, so you’re left wondering “is there an undo button? Why are these feelings still lingering?”
Our Choices Reveal Where Our Shadow is Lingering
I personally believe the things we gravitate towards are indicative of our inner world.
Looking at where you direct your energy can help you understand where aspects of your shadow self are lingering. For example, when I was going through a period with a lot of conflict I remember always having real housewives on tv in the background.
I liked having it on, but it was more than being a fan of the show. As I was coming out of a state of overdrive, it felt uncanny being in moments of silence because I was always worrying about when I could expect the next shoe to drop.
Having “mess” going on in the background was my subconscious way of bringing in stability because conflict had become something I was used to experiencing.
As I started healing, it became difficult for me to listen to people argue. I started to understand my empathic nature was causing me to absorb the emotions I would see, and because calm felt so uncomfortable I was subconsciously comforting myself by looking for mess in the background of my reality.
Healing Remnants of the Shadow Self - It's a Lifelong Journey
Fast forward, and I had a friend tell me they ran into someone and immediately I had the feeling of wanting to grab my popcorn and listen to the tea.
For some reason the moment brought me a realization - I had been expecting the same negativity as when I used to watch housewives on tv. As much as I thought I had worked on my shadow self to get away from it, here I was still seeing evidence of my shadow tendencies.
The mindset shift came when I realized there is no undo button that suddenly makes your shadow tendencies go away. The key to navigating their reemergence is to understand all aspects of your shadow self and take note of your behavior when you re-encounter your shadow self’s former territory.
Whenever it feels like you’re taking a step back, remind yourself this is a lifelong journey.
The hardest part about healing our shadow is not to eliminate its tendencies, but how to learn self-control when our shadow tendencies are our first instinct due to prior wounding.
Conclusion
Integrating the remnants of your shadow self isn't easy, but you have what it takes to develop the best version of you!
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